I feel angry and anxious and like I need to take control of my life. I haven't been able to enjoy one moment of my life for about a week straight, maybe even longer. I have just been conscious of it for at least a week straight. Usually it comes and goes... day by day, moment by moment. I think I enjoyed tonight but there is so much wrong that I am unsure. I guess I enjoyed it more than anything in the past week. That's really not saying much. I wish I had no responsibilities right now. No one expecting me to be anywhere, no obligation to go to dinner or disney world. I know I may regret it if I really do just say fuck it, I can't do this. But I also know I may regret it if I don't. I can't win. So what should I do? What would hurt me or anyone else involved the least? There is really no way to know. No way to rationalize this.
What will you remember most about this summer?
There are almost too many answers to this question and the summer isn't even over.
My summer job was the best job I have ever had. I had some of the greatest experiences with some of the greatest people I have ever met. I went to an indoor water park and stayed in the most gorgeous hotel room I have ever seen. I went to a bar with a swimming pool, steam room, and sauna. I went to a few really frickin' cool karaoke bars. Oh, and I can't leave out the party on the yacht that had an open bar.
Oh yeah, I also had to work. Working with people that you trust is the best thing in the world. I still can't believe how everyone was on the same page and really knew what they were doing. I miss it so much.
I did have some other really memorable moments this summer but they are sad and I do not want this to be a sad post.
So, after camp there are staff activities some days. Today was beginner's Yoga. I have always wanted to take Yoga but for some reason I never have. So I wanted to take advantage of the oppotunity to get to know more of the staff and I did not want to play kickball or dodgeball although I am sure that more people went to those activities.
It is hard to explain Yoga, it is mostly about stretching and breathing. I have a bit more experience than I thought because of my acting classes. I feel so much better than I normally do and I wish I could do Yoga every day. It helps you to feel much more relaxed in every way. And that gives you the energy and inspiration to do other things. I felt like I could do all the things I have been wanting to do for a long time. Of course I didn't get to do anything because I had to come home and eat and do other things like this.
Now I must go prepare for work tomorrow by asking one of my cousins to
borrow a bookbag and make sure I have a lunch because we are going on
our first field trip with camp tomorrow. We are goling to the Central
Park Zoo!
Who are the last five people you called on your cell phone?
Dave, my love.
My house.
Kelli, my friend.
Voicemail.
My parents.
I wanted to thank Rosie on here for everyone to read.
Rosie thanks for finding my stuff and sending it. I really appreciate it. I miss you too and I hope to see you soon!
So, I had my training for summer camp this past Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Camp is great. The training consisted mostly of playing games, getting info, and setting up the classroom. This is by far the best job I have ever had. The camp has been running for a long time and instead of making excuses for itself it takes pride in itself. Most jobs I have had have been for places where the program is new or in some kind of 'transition.' Everything is super organized and the employees are extremely professional and positive. The whole camp is positive.
After a few of the games on the very first day, we were all sitting in a giant circle in the gym and I was just thinking how proud I was to be hired to work in this camp with these people. I can't remember feeling like that before, accepting that how great the people are around me is a reflection of me and not a mistake or a coincidence or something to be intimidated by.
I wanted to write more but I have this really bad headache and I can't keep focused.
Write more later.
I am officially back in NJ, although all or most of my shit is still in MA. The most important thing being my love, Dave. I miss him so much I don't know what to do with myself. Hence, I am posting on Vox for the first time since October. I have also joined twitter which I will probably never use.
I am back to work at LREI's summer camp in NYC. I start my training on Thursday and camp starts on Monday. I am very nervous and anxious about this. I just want to get it over with. The first day of a new job is the worst. It is so nerve racking (sp?). It is mostly the build up that sucks. I know it will be fine but there are so many little things that I have to worry about.
I am in this weird sad/happy place. I miss Dave so much but I know that we are gonna get back on our feet and be in a much better place in the near future. I am glad to be home with Emma and my family but I miss my friends in MA. Not to mention that my family drives me crazy very easily. I miss being in a place where can have some privacy or rather a place where I don't really feel the need for privacy. But I can't wait to be making more money so I can actually save some and not worry, as much. I hate having to sacrifice this for that. I know that is what it comes down to. I am just glad that this is a temporary sacrifice.
hi, miss you guys in northampton. think about you all the time. not in a creepy way or anything, just reminiscent.
i'm typing this entry from my new macbook pro
i've neglected the hell out of this thing
nothing is new, kathy's back at school, i'm still working, making money, spending money, making money, spending money, making spending money. i'm seeing lots of movies and definately enjoying that. i think i'll stay in tonight and watch something. i don't like being home with my mom somtimes. she likes to start arguements for no reason. i need new tires, but i really want a laptop. i don't want another part time job, i don't want to give up weekends for shitty hourly pay, i want some security, but something in me is craving the vagabond lifestyle. i'll be one of those professional beggars that goes home to a warm house with lots of food.
